I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
