Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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