My Higher Power is John Stamos
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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