Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
