The maid of honor just puked.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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