I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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