so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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