So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
