I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
