The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You ruined the universe
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