Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
