dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How naked do you want me to be?
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