i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
