I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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