you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
