Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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