Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
