I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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