She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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