Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
