i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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