what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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