im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
