She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
