what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
