I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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