from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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