so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
