I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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