hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
