Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
