When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
