Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
