Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
