instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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