i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
