He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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