Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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