You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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