Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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