We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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