I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
