It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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