***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
