Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
