You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
