in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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