Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
