I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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