white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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