Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
"it" just moved
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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