Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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