Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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