if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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