Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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