Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
