people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
