i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
