i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
