my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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