i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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