Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
