I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
