the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize