Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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