I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
