CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
