you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
