Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
