Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
