I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
