Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
