my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
