Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
