Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We just shotgunned beers for America
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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