I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
