i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
