Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
