you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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